Love
Monday, November 22, 2010
Scared
I hate having nightmares. When I wake up I feel lost or hurt. I'm so scared for what is it come. Yet I'm so happy at the same time, because I know that it will bring so much love into the world. I really wish that I could be the one being able to take care of her, and to be sealed to her. It hurts a lot somedays. I hope God gives me the strength to do this, and I know he will, I'm just loosing my baby girl. Everything I do is for her, and it will never change. I'm not ready to place her, but I never will be. I know that Jared and Rachel have an incredible family. I know she will love them as much as I already do.
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It definitely is a scary thing to think about. This is why birthmothers make up what I believe to be the most courageous and brave sub-population around. Your life will continue on and after the initial stages of grief wear off, it then becomes your decision as to how sad or miserable you want yourself to be. I believe 100% that happiness is a choice, for those who experience huge trials and for those that have none. You can choose to be happy, and right now as you prepare, get planning on your post-placement self-care list! You are an amazing lady Justina!
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