Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
I hate having nightmares. When I wake up I feel lost or hurt. I'm so scared for what is it come. Yet I'm so happy at the same time, because I know that it will bring so much love into the world. I really wish that I could be the one being able to take care of her, and to be sealed to her. It hurts a lot somedays. I hope God gives me the strength to do this, and I know he will, I'm just loosing my baby girl. Everything I do is for her, and it will never change. I'm not ready to place her, but I never will be. I know that Jared and Rachel have an incredible family. I know she will love them as much as I already do.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I have to say I'm very happy! Life is perfect! I'm so happy I'm where I am right now. It stinks that I'm going to have go through some painful things, but I think that it's all worth it. The person that I have changed in to is the exact person I've always wanted to be! Thanks for all of you who, who have helped me along the way! Love you all!
Monday, November 15, 2010
(ps these are pics from last year and my hair is no longer this dark so I look a little bit different lol)
Friday, November 12, 2010
I think that it's funny that I tell him about my doctor's appointment and how I have to change the appointment date, and he can't even text me back saying that's fine. I don't know. Am I expecting too much? I really don't think that it would take that much to say that's fine. My complaint for the day. But I'm actually pretty happy right now! Not going to let stupid thoughts bring me down. My brother is on leave and coming home next week!!! I'm so excited! Can't wait to see him :]
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
So I got my quad scriptures finally!! So excited and happy, oh and I got my name on them too "Justina Lynn"! They're so pretty!!! haha I'm in a great mood today! Went to go get my blood drawn... Wasn't bad though! I love when even though things aren't perfect I can make it better. Being happy is amazing more people should try it! I decided what I want my baby girl's name to be (since Jared and Rachel are letting me pick it out cause their awesome chaya!) I've decided on MayLynn Chaylea (pronounced like Shaley). I love it!! She's going to be perfect in every single way :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I think everyday has a blessing in it. You just have to open your eyes to everything that you have. MayLynn is a blessing in so many ways. She has changed my life so much. I'm not saying that other people won't hurt when I place her for adoption, but I know that it is going to hurt me the most. No one, besides for a birthmom, will truly know what I'm going through and will go through. I do believe though other people will be deeply sad too. She is such a blessing in my life, and will continue to be. She opened my eyes to everything. I have and amazing family that will be there for me, all my support girls (birthmoms) who I love to death!!! And also Heavenly Father. It's taken me a while to have a testimony, and it stinks that I'm having to go through this. It makes me a better person in every single way. She is everything to me! She'll have an amazing family! Who I love so much! Jared and Rachel are so loving and fun I couldn't imagine anyone else who would be more perfect. I know I'm going to feel empty, but I know that seeing her happiness and all the love that will surround her will eventually replace that feeling. I have an a amazing family who support me, and I'm so glad that I do. I have no idea where I would be without them!
Friday, October 29, 2010
My life has been pretty much hectic, crazy, and busy for the past 8 months now. I've have learned so much in such little time. Since March of this year I've know that I am pregnant. My ex, that I was with at the time, decided that he just didn't love me anymore that was in July. Since then he has never put forth the effort to be a part of things. I've known since about August that I am going to place my baby, MayLynn, girl for adoption. She deserves everything in the world. She deserves a dad that will be a part of her life, and a mom and dad who love each other. Also the priesthood in the home. Knowing that I am going to be a birth mom has been one of the hardest things that I go through each day. It's because I love her that I am doing this. It's going to be thee hardest thing ever, but I know she'll be happy. She'll have an amazing mom and dad, Rachel and Jared, and 2 awesome sibilings, Morgan and Mckay. I know she's going to grow up to be beautiful, and accomplish amazing things. I plan to continue to be a part of her life as much as I can. She will have so many people who love her. This is going to be thee hardest sacrifice ever! But she is worth for every last bit of it! I feel like Jared and Rachel are family, and I know that they will love her so much!