Scared

I hate having nightmares. When I wake up I feel lost or hurt. I'm so scared for what is it come. Yet I'm so happy at the same time, because I know that it will bring so much love into the world. I really wish that I could be the one being able to take care of her, and to be sealed to her. It hurts a lot somedays. I hope God gives me the strength to do this, and I know he will, I'm just loosing my baby girl. Everything I do is for her, and it will never change. I'm not ready to place her, but I never will be. I know that Jared and Rachel have an incredible family. I know she will love them as much as I already do.

Thoughts...

I have to say I'm very happy! Life is perfect! I'm so happy I'm where I am right now. It stinks that I'm going to have go through some painful things, but I think that it's all worth it. The person that I have changed in to is the exact person I've always wanted to be! Thanks for all of you who, who have helped me along the way! Love you all!

Two of My Sisters

           (ps these are pics from last year and my hair is no longer this dark so I look a little bit different lol)

Cherali - It's amazing how much her and I are alike, but yet look so different (but kind of look the same). This is an old pic so my hair is no longer this dark. I love to be around her. She gives such great advice, and I know that I can count on her no matter what! Lately I've been staying with her a ton, and I pretty much love it! She has helped me through so much in my life! I really have no idea where I would be without her. I know that I can always count on her to be there for me. Love her to death!

Tracea - I love her to death!! We are the only two people that have green eyes in our family, because we're awesome! I know no matter what she'll always be there for me. She always knows how to have a good time, and make me laugh. She is amazing person. I love to be around her whenever I get the chance to. Even though it's not too often I enjoy all of the time I get to spend with her. Love her mucho!!!

My Complaint For The Day

I think that it's funny that I tell him about my doctor's appointment and how I have to change the appointment date, and he can't even text me back saying that's fine. I don't know. Am I expecting too much? I really don't think that it would take that much to say that's fine. My complaint for the day. But I'm actually pretty happy right now! Not going to let stupid thoughts bring me down. My brother is on leave and coming home next week!!! I'm so excited! Can't wait to see him :]

Happy Day :)

So I got my quad scriptures finally!! So excited and happy, oh and I got my name on them too "Justina Lynn"! They're so pretty!!! haha I'm in a great mood today! Went to go get my blood drawn... Wasn't bad though! I love when even though things aren't perfect I can make it better. Being happy is amazing more people should try it! I decided what I want my baby girl's name to be (since Jared and Rachel are letting me pick it out cause their awesome chaya!) I've decided on MayLynn Chaylea (pronounced like Shaley). I love it!! She's going to be perfect in every single way :)

My Blessings

I think everyday has a blessing in it. You just have to open your eyes to everything that you have. MayLynn is a blessing in so many ways. She has changed my life so much. I'm not saying that other people won't hurt when I place her for adoption, but I know that it is going to hurt me the most. No one, besides for a birthmom, will truly know what I'm going through and will go through. I do believe though other people will be deeply sad too. She is such a blessing in my life, and will continue to be. She opened my eyes to everything. I have and amazing family that will be there for me, all my support girls (birthmoms) who I love to death!!! And also Heavenly Father. It's taken me a while to have a testimony, and it stinks that I'm having to go through this. It makes me a better person in every single way. She is everything to me! She'll have an amazing family! Who I love so much! Jared and Rachel are so loving and fun I couldn't imagine anyone else who would be more perfect. I know I'm going to feel empty, but I know that seeing her happiness and all the love that will surround her will eventually replace that feeling. I have an a amazing family who support me, and I'm so glad that I do. I have no idea where I would be without them!