MayLynn Chaylea

My beautiful baby girl MayLynn Chaylea! She was born on December 8, 2010 at 6 pm. She was 6 pounds, 11 ounces, and 21 inches. Simply perfect! I love her so much! I was in labor for 38 hours, but she was worth it all. Jared and Rachel had to hurry to get down here, but they were able to spend all day with me on Wednesday the day she was born. My sister Tracea, Rachel, and MayLynn's birthfather Jordan were all in the room when I had her. Really she is just absolutely perfect! It was the most amazing experience ever. I took her home with me that following Friday. The days that I had her have been the most amazing days of my life. It's crazy how much I love I have for this sweet, inocent, beautiful baby girl. I signed the adoption papers on Saturday at 8:30. By far the hardest decision I will ever have to make in my life. I cried the whole entire time. But I was happy at the same time! I know how much love she will have in her life. Knowing that she is happy makes me the happiest person in the world. I'm proud to be a birthmom! Rachel, being the awesome person that she is, spent the night with me on Saturday so that I could have one last night with MayLynn. That meant the world to me! I was able to see her everyday while she was still down here. They had to go home though eventually. She left on December 15 to go back to California. I miss her so much. She is one of the biggest parts of my life, and always will be! Looking at all the pictures I have of her definitely makes my days so much better. I miss her a ton, and a cry a lot. But I know that she's happy, and that this was the choice I was suppose to make! I love you MayLynn Chaylea! You will always be in my heart and in my thoughts!!!  

Scared

I hate having nightmares. When I wake up I feel lost or hurt. I'm so scared for what is it come. Yet I'm so happy at the same time, because I know that it will bring so much love into the world. I really wish that I could be the one being able to take care of her, and to be sealed to her. It hurts a lot somedays. I hope God gives me the strength to do this, and I know he will, I'm just loosing my baby girl. Everything I do is for her, and it will never change. I'm not ready to place her, but I never will be. I know that Jared and Rachel have an incredible family. I know she will love them as much as I already do.

Thoughts...

I have to say I'm very happy! Life is perfect! I'm so happy I'm where I am right now. It stinks that I'm going to have go through some painful things, but I think that it's all worth it. The person that I have changed in to is the exact person I've always wanted to be! Thanks for all of you who, who have helped me along the way! Love you all!

Two of My Sisters

           (ps these are pics from last year and my hair is no longer this dark so I look a little bit different lol)

Cherali - It's amazing how much her and I are alike, but yet look so different (but kind of look the same). This is an old pic so my hair is no longer this dark. I love to be around her. She gives such great advice, and I know that I can count on her no matter what! Lately I've been staying with her a ton, and I pretty much love it! She has helped me through so much in my life! I really have no idea where I would be without her. I know that I can always count on her to be there for me. Love her to death!

Tracea - I love her to death!! We are the only two people that have green eyes in our family, because we're awesome! I know no matter what she'll always be there for me. She always knows how to have a good time, and make me laugh. She is amazing person. I love to be around her whenever I get the chance to. Even though it's not too often I enjoy all of the time I get to spend with her. Love her mucho!!!

My Complaint For The Day

I think that it's funny that I tell him about my doctor's appointment and how I have to change the appointment date, and he can't even text me back saying that's fine. I don't know. Am I expecting too much? I really don't think that it would take that much to say that's fine. My complaint for the day. But I'm actually pretty happy right now! Not going to let stupid thoughts bring me down. My brother is on leave and coming home next week!!! I'm so excited! Can't wait to see him :]

Happy Day :)

So I got my quad scriptures finally!! So excited and happy, oh and I got my name on them too "Justina Lynn"! They're so pretty!!! haha I'm in a great mood today! Went to go get my blood drawn... Wasn't bad though! I love when even though things aren't perfect I can make it better. Being happy is amazing more people should try it! I decided what I want my baby girl's name to be (since Jared and Rachel are letting me pick it out cause their awesome chaya!) I've decided on MayLynn Chaylea (pronounced like Shaley). I love it!! She's going to be perfect in every single way :)

My Blessings

I think everyday has a blessing in it. You just have to open your eyes to everything that you have. MayLynn is a blessing in so many ways. She has changed my life so much. I'm not saying that other people won't hurt when I place her for adoption, but I know that it is going to hurt me the most. No one, besides for a birthmom, will truly know what I'm going through and will go through. I do believe though other people will be deeply sad too. She is such a blessing in my life, and will continue to be. She opened my eyes to everything. I have and amazing family that will be there for me, all my support girls (birthmoms) who I love to death!!! And also Heavenly Father. It's taken me a while to have a testimony, and it stinks that I'm having to go through this. It makes me a better person in every single way. She is everything to me! She'll have an amazing family! Who I love so much! Jared and Rachel are so loving and fun I couldn't imagine anyone else who would be more perfect. I know I'm going to feel empty, but I know that seeing her happiness and all the love that will surround her will eventually replace that feeling. I have an a amazing family who support me, and I'm so glad that I do. I have no idea where I would be without them!

First Entry

My life has been pretty much hectic, crazy, and busy for the past 8 months now. I've have learned so much in such little time. Since March of this year I've know that I am pregnant. My ex, that I was with at the time, decided that he just didn't love me anymore that was in July. Since then he has never put forth the effort to be a part of things. I've known since about August that I am going to place my baby, MayLynn, girl for adoption. She deserves everything in the world. She deserves a dad that will be a part of her life, and a mom and dad who love each other. Also the priesthood in the home. Knowing that I am going to be a birth mom has been one of the hardest things that I go through each day. It's because I love her that I am doing this. It's going to be thee hardest thing ever, but I know she'll be happy. She'll have an amazing mom and dad, Rachel and Jared, and 2 awesome sibilings, Morgan and Mckay. I know she's going to grow up to be beautiful, and accomplish amazing things. I plan to continue to be a part of her life as much as I can. She will have so many people who love her. This is going to be thee hardest sacrifice ever! But she is worth for every last bit of it! I feel like Jared and Rachel are family, and I know that they will love her so much!